9 NIGHTS TO GO

Nine more nights to go then home to what? Haven't had much time to think about it. Usually just too damn tired.

The injured still keep coming though the clinic. many coming in with illnesses.

The health experts here are worried about a cholera outbreak as we have had several cases already. Had to send two nurses home that weren't vaccinated for it. Less and less staff as the Haitian disaster becomes old news. Plenty of supplies. Just not enough volunteers.

Not doing another stint though. Can't take it.

My day.

Go into work. On my feet 18 hours, at least do get an hour for lunch. Off then to the showers, Salt water to wash, clear to rinse. Spray body with bug spray. Get another nurse to spray back. Must be covered head to toe. Try to sleep. Sometimes can sometimes takes a while and I internet till exhaustion overtakes me. Get up and go eat. Have lost 15 pounds I didn't need to loose. Can see indentations between my ribs. I'd rather it come off my breasts but I never loose it there. My back would appreciate it though. Keep losing I may get down to that "perfect 24 inch" waistline. Which at six feet is too small,

Daughter says they had snow last night again. Its been several years since we have had any snow so we do while I'm out of country. Usually just cold.

Then I try to net again. Right now I am suppose to be sleeping. Am off until tomorrow at 3 am. Its a balmy 84 degrees right now. Dark. Humid. Sound of buzzing bugs outside my mosquito net.

They say violence is breaking out more and more throughout the city. Haven't been around any of that....yet, and I have Nick and he is armed and knows how to use all those weapons he carries on himself. Automatic and knife visible. Plus he tells me his body is a lethal weapon and having seen him in his T-shirt and seen the steel bulges in his arms I believe it.

Smell of death still clings to everything. And the BUGS never go away. No wonder there is so much disease. The whole country needs to be sprayed.

Trying to get to everyone's blog when since I can't sleep and don't like taking sleeping pill but in another hour I will or will be too tired and dangerous in the OR.

No praise, my friends...yeah yeah I am wonderful yada yada yada, send me normal tell me of your day.

Oh, and if you dare to be brave enough to walk around outside without a mask--little tiny black gnats try to fly up your nose. I HATE HATE HATE BUGS.

Barbra♥♥♥

Worked last night. 18 hours on my feet in surgery, And still they come. If you have LiveJournal account my drama for the night is there I don't have the energy to re-write it. The link is on this page. Am awake after four hours of see because so hot. will go back to work at 8 tonight. BUGS BUGS BUGS> I am beginning to develop a phobias to them. Flying crawling hopping inching buzzing. Insert SCREAM LOUD HERE.


Miss reading your blogs will take time now to go since can't sleep if satellite holds up. Hope all of you are well. Only 13 more shifts to go then I am outta here. No amount of money, or begging will keep me. Family already up in arms for my second sign up but I couldn't let Dr. MaC down. He wants me to come to Yemen with him, due to the drought. He is already committed, but I'd end up divorced.


Children are grown. My husband has proven himself unfaithful quite a blow to find it out during all of this. Twenty years OF faithfulness, I feel like a fool. Divorce is out of the question since his parents are in their 80s and bad health. I love his Mom as if she were my own so I am stuck. So not having a good time here and nothing to go back to but broken dreams. Hell I might let one of the doctors talk me into staying or maybe go to Yemen. I just can't seem to care.

But this is my Vincent site not my crying site so sorry, I have to go through and catch up on all the goings on.

Miss you all and love your comments on the home front--normal, I crave normal. Think I'll go see a voodoo priestess. Buy some charms today. Maybe make his penis fall off. Since I won't be using it.

Rain.
Heat.
Tired.
Still smell of death I imagine will linger for years.

Have lost 15 pounds in two weeks, ten I didn't need to lose. Can see the indentation in my ribs. SIGH.

Good news get three days off before starting second two weeks. My marine arranged water transportation to Jamaica a cabana with hot tub and private beach. Hot water and room service and hopefully NO BUGS.

Leaving this afternoon. Back in Haiti on Thursday morning then back to work and then home 19th.

miss you all. Love to you and yours. take care.

B♥♥♥

DAY 17

17 DAYS.

HOT HUMID SOME MISTY RAIN.

bugs.
DEATH

GANGRENE
AMPUTATIONS
LITTLE SLEEP
TERRIBLE FOOD
WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER TWO WEEKS? OH YEAH. DR. MAC. NEEDS ME.

WILL MISS VALENTINES DAY, SIGH.

VISITED THE MASS GRAVES TODAY. WAS HORRIBLE,.

CANT SLEEP FOR HEAT. SURGERY IN AIRLESS BUILDINGS. NO FANS DUE TO BACTERIA SPREAD. THEY'RE WORKING ON ELECTRICITY STRONG ENOUGH FOR AIR CONDITIONING UNITS. FAT CHANCE.

Ocean's beautiful.

A snake in my tent beautiful Rose Python. No poisonous snakes on the island. No large animals. Except crazy men who riot around the UN food distribution trucks knocking children and women and pregnant women down, and even jerking it out of their hands when the soldiers give it to them. They can't follow them home.

Now we are hearing about the slave trade opening to sell children and young girls to US citizens. Shameful.

Still never-ending line of people to the clinic/hospital more always coming. The death dump trucks are full every evening too. Mass graves are an abomination.

Miss YOU ALL. SATELLITE IS IN AND OUT SO CHOPPY ON-LINE.

HUGS TO YOU ALL. COMMENT AND GIVE ME SOME NORMAL--DON'T TELL ME HOW WONDERFUL I AM OR MY SACRIFICE YADA YADA, I'M DOING JOB. TELL ME ABOUT HOW YOU ARE AND GIVE ME NORMAL IN THE COMMENTS. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO SCROLL THE BLOGS. WILL CATCH UP WHEN HOME.

94 DEGREES HERE, 25 AT HOME GOING TO GET 10 INCHES OF SNOW MY DAUGHTER TELLS ME. THAT WILL BRING NASHIVLLE TO A GRINDING HALT. THOSE PEOPLE BARELY HANDLE RAIN.

DAY THREE

Hello my friends.

Was off during the day. About to go in for an 18 hour surgical shift.

Today I couldn't sleep. Too damn hot. Volunteered my marine and myself to drive to the airport and pickup supplies. He's not very happy with me right now. Says I need to rest. But who can rest with so much suffering.

A group went out to the mass grave sites to pray over them. I didn't go. I do not wish to carry that imagine of bodies dumped into a mass grave with me.

We drove and sat at the beach for awhile. Beautiful waters. So much political unrest and corruption. They could have cleaned up the waters, stop dumping human waste there and all sewage and built a resort and made a fortune instead of most of the population living in abject poverty.

I heard one doctor say they are still finding children alive because they are used to going without food and water for days.

They had some beautiful fruit on stands we passed walking today, but we aren't allowed to buy or eat. They are a big health risk for us.

Dr. Mac was out and about this afternoon, too. It's hard to sleep during the day.

He's an ortho GOD. They call him the fixer because he does magic. Especially with backs and I speak from experience.

Here though due to serious infections out of forty patients 15 get amputations. He cuts. I stitch the flap over the bone and muscle and wrap it. Write the orders for care for the other nurses. Mac signs them. The worst is the children. They are so brave. I hate peds. Never work at home. No choice here.

Dr. Mac offered me a permanent spot on his team again. I can't though. I'd have to get a divorce for certain. Or he'd just kill me.

Most assignments are not this bad. This is the worst I've ever done with victims. 9/11 was bad, but in a different way.

Got to get ready for work.

By the way did I mention I hate bugs! ESPECIALLY GIANT FLIES.

♥♥♥

DAY ONE

It's hot 94 degrees and humid.

I have my very own marine, Nick. He never leaves my side. He locks my stuff in his footlocker and I let him use my computer to write home. He gets the battery charged.

I share a tent with two other P.A.s(physicians assistant) and their guards.

I shall not express the horrors here. You don't eon't details.

The President of the country let us in with the US FORCE. People cheered the Americans. The Doctors Without Borders (DWB) had a clinic here that was destroyed. Tents are up and we are reorganizing,

Israel has a good handle on things, but They are all trained in guerrilla warfare. Us weaklings need marine protection.

Bugs so many damn bugs. Ever seen a horsefly--double that and they bite. Another one will lay eggs under your skin. So its long sleeves under scrubs.

We can't go down to the ocean and swim to cool off because the waters are filled with parasites.

I look around. I believe in God, I do. I just think he created man and ran off to some other universe planning to come back in 5000 or so years to check on what we have done.

They say conditions here were abysmal on TV. Guess what? It was before the quake.

Going to try an lay on my cot under my netting to sleep three hours.

I am well, just tired. Take care of yourselves.

I miss my 32 degree weather.

Off to Haiti

Woke this morning to a 240 pound 6'5" male atop me. opened my eyes as he pressed his nose against mine and looked into my eyes. "iF YOU GET HURT OR CATCH SOME FATAL DISEASE. I am going to beat you when you get home.

Very funny. That is his way of saying he loves me, take care of myself and he is proud of me. He has decided he will drive me to San Antonio today so we can have some time together alone with outside interferences before I go. He is concerned because typhoid and cholera have reared their ugly head in Haiti. But my shots are up to date.

I talked to Dr. Mac and now I know why he wanted me. His P.A. (Physicians Asst) refused to go and he needs a closer. That means he operates, I close. I thought I was doing triage--oh well. I still would haven't been able to refuse.

The news reports makes it sound like the U.S. is keeping the doctors and supplies out when the President of Haiti is the one who has refused to let the U.S. drop a military force--afraid of losing power???? So the U.S. wouldn't let anyone in without protection (Except those doctors & nurses from Florida who got in as soon as it happened and have suffered for it. IT has been very dangerous for them--that hasn't been reported.

True the violent looters don't have guns, yet. But I have seen what a machete can do to someone.

When planes set down they were being attacked before the could unload so they sent helicopters and dumped the water and food.

Things finally have gotten so bad now the president of Haiti has changed his tune and is blaming the U.S. for lack of aid.

Looks like I will be going in Tuesday with the Doctors without Borders and their crew along with military support.

Taking sunscreen, lots of bug repellent and long sleeve shirts to protect my arms from bugs along with my scrubs. I will drop a line each day if I can.

No comments please unless you have a question. I just won't have time to read them.

Keep you all close in my heart and hope your lives run smooth while I am gone (and when I am back). Those of you who write, keep writing.

Signed up for two weeks. But if Mac stays so will I.

Love to you all

B♥♥♥

LO:C IFAMILY VALUES BOBBY'S ARIA

DISCLAIMER: ALL BELONGS TO WOLF PRODUCTIONS. NO Monetary GAIN BY ME.

I finally finished Family Values. This is Bobby's aria, I think the best of a lousy season. Bobby manipulating the bad guy.

≡≡is Bobby's dialog...Paul's is noted " "

Dialog precede caps:

Lots of Bobby--Enjoy

LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI LOCI

SCENE 32......INSIDE FARMHOUSE

Paul, "I believe by law I'm entitled to a book of scripture."


≡≡Oh yeah?


≡≡And what chapter would you use to comfort you?



Paul, "Uh... several in pain I feel at not being able to take my own
life."


≡≡Stand here.






≡≡That's funny. I don't remember there being a scripture that,


≡≡......endorses suicide.



Paul, "Interpretation comes only through absolute faith."


≡≡Such assurance.


≡≡Even Abraham had moments of doubt.



Paul, "He raised a knife over his son as God commanded.


≡That's when...God saw Abraham's...agony and he stopped him.


≡≡You......you used...a hammer


≡≡...a knife...a gun...a bomb,,,


≡≡nothing stopped you.



Paul, "God's will was clear.


≡≡Clear?


≡≡God was merciful with Abraham's son,


≡≡but showed no mercy in your case.



Paul, "I don't question the voice of God."


≡≡Why is Kathy still alive.


≡≡when all the others were sacrificed?



Paul, "You don't know that she's alive."













≡≡Now I do.



Paul, "It's so obvious what you're doing. I won't hear anymore of
this."


≡≡God commanded Abraham to show his devotion by killing his only son


≡≡who he loved most,


≡≡But the one you loved most is still alive.


≡≡What did God say? "Kill all the others......"


≡≡"spare her"?



Paul, "You won't trick me."


≡≡You're already tricked.


≡≡AND...


≡≡Deceived.





≡≡Kathy's sweetness...


≡≡You know the glow in her eyes...


≡≡Soft young flesh...that warmth you feel when you hold her tight.


≡≡You know, that voice that speaks those words is that the same voice
that told you to spare her life?



Paul, "I won't hear this."


≡≡You know in your heart that......


≡≡that's not God's voice.


≡≡That's the trickster.


≡≡The tempter...the master of all deception.


≡≡You know who I am talkin' about, Paul.


≡≡You know what his name is...



Paul, "What?"


≡≡I'm sayin' you don't serve God, you serve him.


≡≡Say his name......come on say it......Does it terrify you?



Paul, "ENOUGH! I am the shepherd who leads them to the eternal
waters."


≡≡You deliver death.


≡≡You serve the deceiver.



Paul, "NO! I saw her on that stage and he commanded me."


≡≡The deceiver sees your desire.


≡≡He commands you.





Paul, "Don't say such filth."


≡≡Okay. A drama school teacher?


≡≡Did she ever touch your daughter?


≡≡Did she ever want to touch your daughter?



Paul, "She's dead. I ended all of them."


≡≡Why is that?


≡≡Is that because when you saw her on stage you were aroused?


≡≡You felt that vileness inside you.


≡≡You were aroused by your daughter so everyone is aroused.


≡≡You see the tempter sees that in you, he seized on your weakness.


≡≡And you obeyed him.


≡≡Just say his name.


≡≡Say his name, Paul.




≡≡SAY IT!


≡≡SAY HIS NAME!


≡≡COME HERE!


≡≡Whose servant are you?


≡≡If there is a God...



Paul, "There is a God and I acted on his will alone."


≡≡If you are God's servant,



≡≡then how can you kill the people that you love?



Paul, "My faith passed down from generations of those who have
served God, will not be undone by you."


Bobby pauses...takes a deep breath.





≡≡Passed down by them.


≡≡Your Dutch ancestors.


≡≡And this?



Paul, "A stone-rubbing of the gravestone of my great-great-grandfather."


≡≡Yes, stone-rubbing; Cathy made this one.


≡≡She told me about it.



Paul, "What?"


≡≡Yeah......you taught her family history.


≡≡Showed her how to make stone-rubbings of the family graves.


≡≡In fact, she told me about it today.



Paul, "That's impossible. She's told you nothing.


≡≡How could I know?


≡≡When we were with her and her hands were bound behind her...


≡≡she drew in the dirt a coffin and a cross. She meant a cemetery.


≡≡And she took a stone and she pushed it against a boulder.


≡≡She made a mark


≡≡A stone rubbing......See.


≡≡She was calling out to us. See she wants to live.


≡≡God wants her...to live.



Paul, "She wants to be with me."


≡≡She can't be with you!


≡≡She serves God.


≡≡Are you still blind to God's will? Don't you see what's happening?


≡≡Can't you see?


≡≡It's just like with Abraham...


≡≡You see God......stopped Abraham from killing his son...


≡≡That's what's happening right now.


≡≡It's God's hand...stopping you...


≡≡Kathy prayed to God and God answered.


≡≡Don't you want to serve God?



Paul, "Uh, um...yes, I only want to serve God.


≡≡So then tell me where she is, Paul, while there's still time.


≡≡Tell me,Paul. Help God answer Kathy's prayers.





Paul, "Uh...I see at I...I have served evil.


≡≡Break that servitude and put your God before all others.


≡≡tell me where Kathy is.



Paul sobbing, "Morrelltown.

Heigh ho Heigh Ho Its off I GO

So all the guilt was for naught. The doctor requests me because I have battlefield triage experience. We've worked together many times before. I'm a sucker for Dr. Mac, he knows I can't say no to him.

Got this today.

CRISIS STAFFING FOR DISASTER RELIEF EFFORT IN HAITI

DWB is now pre-staffing for an earthquake disaster relief effort on the island of Haiti. Any active licensed Registered Nurses from Trauma Units Team Two and Team One are needed for alternative, low acuity medical sites. Possible deployment order could happen at any time.

Details of this assignment include:

· Crisis pay rates of $60/hour straight time, $90/hour overtime

· 18-hour shifts, minimum 2-week commitment

· All RNs must have a valid United States passport for this assignment

· Any state licensure will be accepted

· Must have current CPR or BLS

· Availability must be immediate, travel required within 24-hours notice

· Base camp environment: expect tent living with MRE meals provided

Military guard one: one provided

· Department of Health & Human Services to provide military transport out of San Antonio



Barbra, Dr. Mac requested you with his first responders. As you know it is not required so I leave that up to you. Have already spoken with Paul at Vandy and secured your leave if you choose to accept.
Can have you on a flight to San Antonio Tuesday morning. Deployment is still unknown. Understand if you choose to wait and see if they need the 2nd or your regular team, but had to ask since he asked specifically for you.

Call me at home.



Hey, look at it this way its a great way to loose those five pounds I gained over the holidays. I will take my laptop and my sister has offered me her AT&T satellite chip,or plug-in or whatever it is. Just have to find ways to charge my battery. That's where staying on the good side of my military guard will come in. Leaving for Texas on Tuesday. Everyone take care. I will try to keep in touch when I can. If I survive this experience I may end up divorced. Husband is NOT HAPPY.

Anyway I still have the weekend.

Latest gossip from the world of my insider in NBC. It looks like Zucker is on the way out. Big changes in their upper management, and with the farce of late night and Leno and more bad press. NBC is now hurting for shows much less advertisers. So they have gone to Wolf to create, I'm sure you have all heard, L&O Los Angeles. Wolf has tentatively agreed IF the mothership is renewed and LO:CI is brought back to NBC with the hero Jeff Goldblum at the helm.

Vincent's said he is happy to be free to do all the thing he was been unable to do while filming a TV series. And I AM happy for him. But I have gone back to working Sundays because why bother. LO:CI without him is not LO:CI AT ALL:(