LAW & ORDER CRIMINALINTENT FAN FICTION

Disclaimer: Goren, Eames, Ross, & MCS remain the property of Dick Wolf ...NBC...And their sister station USA Network.. They've just come out to play with me. They'll be home in time for supper.

HELL WEEK

ALEX IS HAVING A VERY BAD WEEK, THANKS TO HER PARTNER.

MONDAY

‘I hate you.’ Eames fumed while she glared across their desks. ‘I am sick of you, Bobby Goren; You and your super brain.’

Bobby flipped the page, and she simmered, ‘Not even a glance. All I am is a glorified handmaiden to Mr. Super Solver.’

“Bobby?” Nothing, like she didn’t exist. “Bobby?” she raised her voice. That was punctuated by a paper-clip that bounced off his chest and hit the keyboard of his laptop, two more followed.

“Eames, I’m busy. Go get your own coffee.”

“You make it better.”

“Don’t be so passive/aggressive, Eames.”

‘Damn,’ Alex shoved her chair back viciously and stormed by him. Seeing the half smile touch his lips, ‘Screw you Goren, I REALLY hate you.’

TUESDAY

Eames stepped off the elevator and turned left toward the squad room. There he sat, early, of course, suck up. She stood on tiptoe to look over his shoulder toward her desk. No coffee, so she made a quick side trip into the break room to fix her own. She settled into her chair and noted HE had a big steaming cup of coffee from the fancy shop down the street. ‘Damn you, Goren. I truly do hate you. I do all your frigging grunt work and you don’t think of me when getting your frigging coffee. No coffee, no pastry, Nada.’

“Eames?”

“What?” her voice shrill enough to bring his head up and several others in the office turned toward her.

“Problem?” he asked in that damn ‘I’m so smooth’ voice of his.

‘Screw you, Goren.’ “No, what do you want? I’m busy.”

He purposefully took a long look at her closed laptop, and empty desk.
‘I hate you, Bobby Goren. You and your omnificence. Robert Goren…God’s gift of an encyclopedia to humanity.’ That turn of phrase put a smug expression on her face.

Of course he noted it and cocked that damn head of curls to the left. One flopped loose on top and danced in the light. Once she‘d have sighed over it, now she wanted to rip it out of his head. ‘Now that would be real satisfaction. Go ahead Goren analyze away. I HATE YOU, are you picking that up, Super Whiz.’ She disappeared behind her laptop.

“Eames?” her head popped up to look at him before she thought. “You need to settle down.”

She sputtered, “Me!”

Logan and Carolyn walked by, “He’s right Alex. You’ve been wound tight all week.”

Carolyn popped Mike, ignoring his “Ouch,” on the back of the head while Alex rounded on him. Only the sight of Ross coming out of the elevator stopped an all out fray.

Alex settled for glaring at Bobby’s bent head buried in files, ‘I hate you, Goren. Really I do.’

WEDNESDAY

Returning from lunch Alex slammed her purse on her desk, dropped hard into her chair and then slammed the drawer she put her purse into. Bobby didn’t look up, just reached for the large steaming cup of fancy coffee and took a sip.

‘Think you’re so great Goren. Once upon a time you brought ME coffee and pastry. Now I don’t even rate that. You take me for granted, you bastard. I hate you. I really do. You and your messy curls. You dress like a bum half the time and once upon a time, every day you shaved back that afternoon shadow at three, now you look like a vagrant by five. I’m embarrassed to be seen with you. I swear if I hadn’t given you my word, I’d be transferred away from your ass so fast. Then where the hell would you be. We both know the answer to that.’

“Bobby?” Nothing. His head was buried in a file…again. “Bobby?”
Frustrated she threw a paper-clip at him that bounced off his chest and clattered onto his keyboard. The next one he reached out with those cat reflexes of his and caught it midair.

“Stop throwing paper-clips at me, Eames.”

“How about I throw the damn tape dispenser at you.”

“Children, play nice,” Ross chided as he passed by, Eames cheeks reddened.

“Now you’ve got us in trouble with Father, Eames.”

‘Since when are you so chummy with Ross, Bobby. I hate you Goren, you smug Bastard. Now you’re sneaking behind my back and making nice with the boss.’

“What did you want, Eames?”

“Not a thing Bobby, not a damn thing.”

With a heavy sigh, he looked at her with sympathy and went back to work.

‘What the hell was that look for.’ For good measure she threw another paper-clip at him as she headed for the break room. When he continued to ignore her she fumed, ‘I truly despise you, the great and all powerful Goren. Maybe I‘ll take a damn vacation, two weeks, see how you like that. Get along without your handmaiden to run interference and check your damn reports.’

“Bobby, I’m going to put in for a two week vacation,” Eames announced when she returned to her desk and placed her freshly brewed coffee before her as she sat down and leaned toward him in anticipation of his reaction.

“Good for you, Eames, but first we need to go talk with the Colbert’s attorney.” Up he got, put on his coat, gathered his binder together, and gave her the Goren look. “Well. Let’s go” He turned and headed for the elevator.

Alex almost threw her fresh cup of coffee, he KNEW she just brewed herself, at his back. She had to run to make it to the elevator and it shut in her face. He had left her. She stood anger radiating from her. She stomped off the next one and caught up with him outside.

“Goren?”

“Eames?”

“Screw you, Bobby.”

He sighed heavily, “We have too much work to do for romance right now, Eames.”

She stopped mid-step to glare at his back. “I really, really hate you, Bobby.”

“Because I won’t have sex with you right now?”

Right in the middle of One Police Plaza Alex screamed.

THURSDAY

“Let’s go Eames, we caught a case.” He draped his coat over his arm and watched her struggle into hers before they walked out.

‘I hate you, Bobby Goren.’ When they reached the SUV she tossed him the keys.

“I don’t want to drive, I want to review some notes…”

“Too bad, Goren.”

“Eames, you don’t like me to drive.”

“Shut up and get in, Goren. Drive.”

He made a loud audible sigh meant, she was certain, to make her feel guilty. But since SHE HATED HIM she could care less. She took out her notepad and started to doodle. After five horn bursts and three cab drivers screaming vulgarities she said without looking up, “Quit thinking and pay attention to the road, Bobby.”

“If you don’t like the way I drive, Eames, you should have driven yourself.”

‘Screw you, Goren. I’d rather sit over here and die in an accident than give you the satisfaction, you smug bastard.’

An hour later Bobby walked from the crime scene room to look for Eames. She was sitting on the rider’s side of the SUV staring out the window. He shook his head and sighed. He climbed in, glanced sideways at her set face. “Eames?” Thirty seconds of steamy silence. “Eames?”

“What? What is it you want, Bobby? Well, let’s hear it. What? What? What do you want?”

“Eames? Why are you waiting in the car?”

“I did my job. I interviewed the cops on the scenes, the witnesses, everyone in the vicinity. Made all the little notes you like, just like your well-taught little handmaiden. I left King Goren to his crime scene, to the victim. I let the magnificent Goren do that magical investigation thing he does so well. So, why hang around and get in your way.”

“Eames, King’s don‘t have handmaiden’s,” he sighed heavily again, “and anytime you want, I will be happy to let you examine the victim and scene. You interview because YOU are the people person part of our team, not me.”

‘Team, ha, what team.’ “I hate you.” she sniped and crossed her arms and stared out the side window.

“I know,” he shook his head sadly and then made the drive back to 1PP in silence without killing either of them.

FRIDAY

‘You,’ she thought, ‘are a bastard.’ watching him take another sip of that damned ritzy coffee. She threw a paper-clip at him, it bounced off his forehead and onto his laptop.

“Damn it, Eames you’re going hit my eye with one of these things.”

“Then pay attention.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

‘I knew it, he always hears me just chooses to ignore me. If its possible I hate you even more than before, Goren; abhor, detest, loath you.’

Ross strode out of his office stopped in the middle of the squad put his hands on his hips, “All right. Who has all the damn paper-clips?”

Bobby looked at Eames who glared at him, then he lifted one long index finger into the air. Bobby opened his bottom drawer and removed a ‘snake’ of attached paperclips looped round and round about fifty times and set it on his desk. Ross stepped closer, “What the hell is that?”

“All the paper-clips Eames has thrown at me.”

“For nine years?” Ross demanded.

“No, the last month. Usually at the end of the month I unhook and put them away.”

Ross lifted the ‘snake’ and dropped it in front of Eames, crooked a finger at his secretary who scurried over with a wire basket filled with empty paperclip boxes. Ross set it beside the snake. “Don’t leave until they are all apart and back in the boxes.”

“But HE is the one who attached them.”

“You heard me, Eames,”

“We have a case…”

“If you have time to throw them you have time to unclip them..” He spun around and walked back to his office.

She glared at Bobby, “I really, really hate you.”

“So you keep saying,” he went back to the file.

At five he got up, picked up his jacket and coat and left with, “I’ll be across the street, sweetheart, for an hour if you finish in time to have a beer,” he smiled when he felt a paper-clip hit him in the back of his shirt, dead center.

‘Sweetheart!’ she had never been so outraged, he was lucky it wasn’t the friggin’ tape dispenser. ‘Damn you, Bobby Goren. Oh, how I hate you.’ He didn’t even offer to help her with the clips. For the next two hours, her names for him became more and more inventive. This was it after this week she was transferring out, promise or no promise. She did not have to endure this abuse.

MONDAY

She walked off the elevator, blew her bangs up out of her eyes, her soon to be ex-partner wasn’t at his desk. A glance as she passed showed him in the conference room staring at the bulletin board. Their latest case, no doubt. His head was tilted left, so he was still analyzing. Her eyes lit on the large fancy cup, steam rising, on the conference room table and her ire rose, 'Still hate you, Goren.' Her entire relaxing weekend gone with one glance.

She turned the corner and there in the middle of her desk, a large cup of coffee and a creamy, flaky pastry. One sip had her humming, “Perfect.”
She stood on tiptoe, his head still to the left, so she settled into working online.

“Eames?” she looked up, “We need to go re-interview the gardener. Bobby helped her into her coat. Waited patiently for her together her things and guided her into the elevator his hand at the small of her back. He opened the door of the SUV for her, then settled his bulk into the rider’s seat.

“So?” his voice neutral as she back out and headed into traffic.

“So what?”

“You asked me to treat you the way Logan and the other guys in the squad treat their partners. You said you were tired of my special treatment. I did, all last week. So? Is that what you want?”

“Oh.” She had forgotten. Mentally slapping herself on the back of the head.

“You have to think about it” now he sounded hurt.

She rushed to reassure, “No, Bobby. I…I just forgot.” His eyebrows went up, and she didn’t want him to think about it. “No, Bobby. I don’t want you to be Mike Logan. I don’t want you to be Jefferey's, or Greg or any of the other guys. I am perfectly happy with my Bobby Goren. But you know, you didn’t have to out me on the paper-clips.”

“Logan would have.”

“True. But now I have MY partner back,” both exchanged a contented smile.

“Bobby?”

“Hmmmm…” he was buried in his notebook scribbling away.

“I love you.”

“I know"

MORAL TO THE STORY: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR; BECAUSE,BOBBY WILL SEE YOU GET IT.