I'm alive and back.

I have finally settled down into what will now be my normal life. Paid off the flooded house. Once it clears the clerk's office we will sell it to the contractor. Got a check for the difference on the insurance of $52, 0000. That's what we paid down. Have been paying for 15 years. Will be lucky not to have to pay the contractor to take it.

Have reached a livable relationship with husband. He goes his way I go mine. He has his room I have mine. When we meet in the middle we are cordial...no sniping. Never believed myself to ever be in this position. ::shrug::

The Criminal Intent sites seem to be shutting down. I myself have had little time for Vincent.

I finally watched their last episode--pissed me off. Now how will they bring them back and be realistic? Do they even care? We never saw Ross' body--wouldn't even let Liz examine or see him. Will they bring him back--he wasn't killed...witness protection or some such crap.

Watched the movies of Vincent. (Spoilers)

THE NARROWS I absolutely loved. He was wonderful.

BROOKLYN'S FINEST dead in first three minutes--only decent acting in the movie though Gere showed some of his skill at the end, I thought Hawke was horrible.

THE NEW TENANTS. I'm sorry I hated this Indie short. Guess I am not Avant garde enough.

STATEN ISLAND I loved him in this. I hated the ending. Now who's gonna take care of his mama.

Watching google alerts over the months I found two photos of the handsome guy that made me just want to eat him up

TO JOANN

I know I sent you an answer to your e-mail. But I wanted to publicly thank you for the wonderful surprise in my mail of the DVD 'Naked Tango'. It had been a worse week than usual and husband bigger ass than usual.

You will NEVER know how much it meant to me that you did this, even being sneaky and getting my snail mail from my daughter.

To the world, Joanne Wolfe is a sweetheart and has reserved special place in heaven for herself.


HUGS

Barbra

AT LEAST I'M ALIVE...REALLY????????

WELL, I DON'T LIKE WHINING ON MY JOURNAL BUT SOMETIMES YOU'VE JUST GOT TO VENT. 2010 AS A YEAR HAS SUCKED AND IS NOT GETTING ANY BETTER.

Let's review--time in Haiti...found out husband who I thought of as my prince harming was fucking someone who was once my best friend--since the beginning of our marriage for twenty years.. He says he ended it while I was in Chili but she still calls his cell and emails him.

House flooded 8 feet of water we were raised six feet so two feet in the house--black sewage water so everything touched was lost...my great grandmother dining room set hand made 200 years no screws.--table chair buffet and china cabinet ,a 100 year old roll top desk. and so on and so forth and I had $100,000 ACV insurance for fire or theft and nothing for flood. Being on 100 year flood plane and not flooding in 200 years and controlled now by a dam I felt confident. how could I know they screwed up so four feet of water swept over the dam and they had to open the gates and release five more to prevent the dam from cracking. ANYWAY

Water down we go in, I fell through the dining room floor an break three disks--I've three more new titanium decorating my spine. Rehab is slow...my daughter's helps a lot.

My hubby got us an apartment with F.E.M.A.'S help that id very nice. He used the money from my and Lauren's vehicles to buy furniture. F.E.M.A gave us a grant of $6400 to replace $000,000 of furniture.

While ripping out the floors the contractor found--wait for it----termites still eating to support beams. Even a flood didn't drown the little bastards they are still eating or were before the contractor had them treated.

LET ME NOTE HERE THAT I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION WE HAD TERMITE PROTECTION AND COVERAGE FROM ORKIN, BUT HE QUIT PAYING IT 12 YEARS AGO AND NEVER TOLD ME. I never saw swarms so it is back enough that the main support beam is mostly gone and many of the joists. On a 9000 square foot house that is going to have to be jacked up and new beams put in--well insurance doesn't cover it and the contractor hasn't given us a figure to replace. FUCK.

Personally I sit, unable to walk on my own and am trapped. I refused to go back to the marriage counselor after she put the blame on me for my husband's affair--I should give him whatever he needs whether I enjoy it or not. Basically I told her to go fuck herself. I sometimes sit in the living room with him beside me and I feel the hatred building inside me. I've never hated anyone before, now I have two. Not that he isn't charming at times, but he can be a bastard too. Separated bedrooms and I lock my door at night. My friends and family all tell me he loves me and I should forgive and forget, but how do you forget s 20 year betrayal.

I am depressed taking Cymbalta and Clonzepam. Have Rehab three times a week. Home health nurse once a week. Filed for SS disability--was approved. Will start getting a check in November. $1200 a month. I used to make that or more a week. **sigh**

MADE ME SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. HE SAID WITH MOST NURSES LIKE ME THE CAREGIVER IS NOW HAVING TO BE CARED FOR LED TO LOT OF SUICIDES. Well I admit I have made several plans to do it but it is the cowards way out and I tell myself things happen for a reason. Maybe I should try to fix my marriage and I would never do that to my daughter.

They did just finish putting a new roof on my house. A lighter color to reflect light. Very nice.

You have all been very supportive and understanding. I thank you for that. Love to you all and peace in you life.

This too will pass, I'm told. BREATHE.

They saved many of my DVDs but many were lost. My sexiest VINCENT movies are lost maybe not to be replaced. NAKED TANGO, HOTEL PARADISE AND DESIRE the others I found on Amazon. The biggest problem being they're European made and I had someone bootleg them for me that is no longer possible. You wonder why I am depressed.

BARBRA

And Val thanks for writing me, I just wasn't where I could internet privately, then it was so long and I just could not muster up the energy to write anyone.

CRUISING YOU TUBE FOUND UNDER HENDERSONVILLE FLOOD & LOOSING FOUND a PICTURE OF MY DAUGHTER'S LITTLE TRUCK IN THE DRIVE WAY. Water crested just over her top. ALLSTATE AGENT CAME IN TOTALED HER TRUCK AND MY SEBRING CONVERTIBLE.

MY TEAK PATIO TABLE chairs and TWO CHAISE lounges and a fire pit. Not in the neighborhood probably AT THE base of the dam.

FELL YESTERDAY CRUSHED TWO DISKS NOW SITTING IN WHEELCHAIR. HUSBAND'S TAKEN CHARGE. SENDING ME AND THE BIRD TO MY SISTERS. WITH MUCH ARGUING FROM ME.

I've worked twenty years to surround myself with a home I LOVE and things for comfort. now all gone. No content protection. HAVE FILED DISASTER RELIEF FROM F.E.M.A.

ADJUSTER COMES FOR-HOUSE TOMORROW. WE WILL SEE. TINA COMES FOR ME SUNDAY.

HOPE YOUR LIVES ARE FARING BETTER.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME--I CAN MOVE MY FEET AND THERE'S LITTLE PAIN.

ONE GOOD THING SOLID WOOD CAN BE SANDED AND RE-STAINED.

LOVE TO YOU ALL.MISS ME????

FLOOD WHAT NEXT?????????????????????????

AND THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING.

2010 HAS NOT BEEN GOOD TO ME. AFTER THREE DAYS OF HARD RAIN OUR 100 YEAR FLOOD PLAIN, WHICH HAS NOT FLOODED IN 209 YEARS DID,

I GOT UP WENT OUT BACK TO CHECK MY NEW TREES I PLANTED IN POTS FOR ARBOR DAY. THE CREEK AT THE BACK OF OUR PROPERTY ACREAGE, 1 ACRE FROM THE HOUSE WAS RUNNING HIGH, WENT INSIDE TO MAKE TEA. BAM BAM BAM, AT THE DOOR--FIREMAN SAID WE HAD 5 MINUTES TO GET OUT. DAM HAD OVER-FLOODED BY 7 FEET, I HAVE 4 STEPS TO THE PORCH. WATER WAS ON THE PORCH. HUSBAND BARELY GOT HIS BIG GMC TRUCK OUT AND UP THE HILL TWO BLOCKS, WHILE DAUGHTER AND I GRABBED THE BIRD AND STUFFED SOME CLOTHES IN A BAG--SHE REMEMBERED HER COMPUTER. A FIREMAN CARRIED ME THROUGH FOUR FEET OF WATER THROUGH THUNDERING RAIN. THE CUMBERLAND RIVER IN NASHVILLE WENT FROM 25 FEET TO 51 LAST NIGHT. STILL HASN'T CRESTED.

WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET INTO OUR SUB-DIVISION DUE TO WATER 8 INCHES OVER THE ROAD.

WE'RE AT A HOTEL FOR NOW. FLOOD INSURANCE PAYS 80%. ALL ON REIMBURSEMENT.
WE ARE SCREWED.

ANYWAY THIS COULD TAKE 60 DAYS OR MORE. UNLESS WHERE WE SETTLE HAS WIRELESS I'LL BE OFFLINE TILL THEN, OR NY HOUSE IS GUTTED AND REBUILT.
:SIGH:

I WILL MISS YOUR BLOGS IF NO CONNECTION AT NEW WEEKLY HOTEL.

GOING TO START SALVAGING IN A FEW HOURS. CAN'T SLEEP.

SO IF NOTHING FROM ME FOR A WHILE. I'M ALIVE JUST WITHOUT INTERNET. LET YOU KNOW TOMORROW NIGHT.

I THINK I WAS CURSED BY A HAITIAN VOODOO WOMAN. BEEN ALL DOWNHILL SINCE.

HOME

Home. Tired. Off to catch up on you. Hopefully no more natural disasters in 2010.

Sorry for taking so long to update. Not a lot of time because I have been sleeping better in the lower temps.

Also I thought I had written but can't find where so if this is old news--apologize in advance.

My computer was assaulted when I walked away and left it alone and open By a foot long lizard. Ate my 'C' key and as I returned it turned with my space bar in its mouth. I screamed, it hissed and raised a black hood at me then took off with my key. So I have a rubber dot to push that sometimes works and maybe not.

They are sending a third of our team home--not me. We are moving from the beach tsunami area to a remote mountain village. We've been told there is no internet service available there so I will be completely out of touch. So please if I don't comment for two or three weeks don't worry or un-friend me. I promise to catch up as soon as I have service.

Hope you are all well, and I tell myself I could still be in Haiti--now during the rainy season like the other two trauma teams.

My daughter tells me the news talks of Haiti but not Chile probably because of political reasons. Even the new president resents us.

We have tremors nearly every day. Now major one lately just enough to stop your heart. MAYBE IT'LL BE EASIER IN THE mountains.

Gotta run. Take care of yourselves.

Thinking of you all

B.♥♥♥

FROM CHILE

This may not get out as internet connection is sketchy at best. I have heard myself called a cold-hearted bitch since my attitude is not horrified by what we have in Chile. I can tell you what they don't have. Kids losing limbs with gangrene since it took three weeks to get them. All buildings demolished. Chile has an earthquake building code since we get them nearly everyday. They don't have dump trucks filled with the dead heading to mass graves. It's rough here. Today we move to the coast with the tsunami damages.

I was asked about any problems with my yellow fever vaccine--I had flu-like symptoms fever aching muscles and a hard knot at the injection site that is still there.

No word on how much longer here.

Got bit by a green lizard on my arm. Have to take antibiotics. Try to read your blogs when internet works.

All of you take care. Hope to be home soon. Pray for no serious earthquakes causing another tsunami since we'll be on the coast.

One good thing their bitch of a president doesn't want us here any longer than necessary maybe she'll send us home.



For LOCI Fans--our Bobby does love fire.







And Alex finds him amusing:

Here I am in Santiago, Chile compared to Haiti its a resort. Lots of devastation and injured but big machinery already clearing and building being shored up, One hospital olasped the other is okay. Midnight at home 2 am right now just off shift so 12 hours before I go back sgain.
Thought I'd do triage. But Dr wright discovered I'd been a closer for Dr. Mac and since his has gotten pregnant I have been promoted (so they say)
Portable buildings set up. In surgery 6 hours after set up. Feet hurt.

Had to get the yellow fever booster as mine is up in three months to be safe. Still on the malaria pills for a week then can stop.

Told to watch out for lizards. Lots of lizards that bite not poisonous but can cause bad infections. Snakes. Not so many bugs. There are bugs but you don't breath them. Still mosquito netting to sleep with. Six nurses in my tent. We have guards at our door.

Temp is 53degress 80 during the day.

They are trying to open roads to the coast. Don't know yet if I'll be going there. Depends on Dr.Wright.

Oh we had an 'aftershock' as we debarked.--you call 5.5 aftershock I'll call it earthquake. Like rolling on a small ship in the sea. I just laid on the ground and hoped a fissure didn't open under me.


The president doesn't want us here but shs has no choice she is a bitch,

Flowers and creatures here including big cats, but more out in the mountains; though that's close by.

You're all in my thoughts before I go to sleep.

Take care If you put me in prayers or just good thoughts have it be about no ore aftershocks. Thank you.

So my friends my life goes from worse to unknown. Because I am a member of USA Trauma Unit and we have been called up to go to Chile. I am now waiting at the Detroit airport for my connective flight to San Antonio. Trauma Team 2 & 3 went to Haiti. It doesn't count that I got permission to go with Dr. Msc and DWB For 8 weeks. If I refuse to go I lose my spot. I have been sick with a respiratory viral infection but its about gone. Well enough I passed the physical to go.

Have no idea what am going into. Know there are still strong aftershocks, looting and gangs. We have a military escort but not the one on one that DWB had. They are stricter about work hours--8 on 12 off eight on etc.

Think of me. Won't know what city I'm going to until briefed in San Antonio. My baby who is twenty cried. Husband shrugged. Friends want me to quit but I worked long and hard to get on the best trauma team in the US not giving it up. Anyway may be good thing. Time to think. Conditions will be better than Haiti.

Just please no bugs. Will try to keep in contact but don't worry about me. I will be thinking of all of you.

Hugs to you all.

Barbra♥♥♥